Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
