This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
