I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
from now on my penis is your penis
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
