I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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