And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Even my vagina gasped.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
