Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
