We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
