How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
