I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
