wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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