He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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