Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Randomize
