Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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