morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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