She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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