My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
