Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
