then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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