I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
