How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
