Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
