i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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