I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
