I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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