you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize