Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
