I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
