What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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