I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
