this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
