called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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