here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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