I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
