the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
