what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
