Already got asked if we're dating
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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