How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
