I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize