So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
