It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
