last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
