i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
