I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
