Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
