He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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