I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
