Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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