i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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