somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
