He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
