so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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