I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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