I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
