Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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