I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
