hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
