At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
