the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
