Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
