imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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