Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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