we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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