Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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