the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
