don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
did you just send me my own nude
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
