we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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