I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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