is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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