U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
