Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
