and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
