it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
