The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
