I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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