Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it's like iHOP with fire
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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